It's been five days since the last report, but I'll start by saying there's been an improvement with the way I feel. The morning after the last entry, (day 12) the fire alarm in our building went off at 5:20 am until the engineer turned it off at 6:35 am. Not the best start to the day when combined with a small extra dose of the diamorphine. Later that morning was the closest I've ever been to tripping and it wasn't fun, so I asked the nurse to simply take me off the stuff until I calmed down. I was talking in my sleep and seeing all sorts of people in the room who weren't there, and I would often just sit in one position and fall asleep. Later when I was connected back on the morphine pump, I asked for the dosage to be cut from 4ml to 3ml per hour.

That day I feed myself through the NG tube but still not enough so I was told by the dietician. She said that I still wasn't meeting my daily requirements. So next morning on day 13 I made the effort to give myself an extra big breakfast and I was going to make sure I eat enough for the day. That was until I puked everything right back out again as well as the NG tube which was dangling from the mouth whilst still attached to the nose. After removing the NG tube altogether and cleaning my mouth out I felt so much better. It was the first time in nearly a week that I was able to gently swallow without painkillers to numb the pain; that was the biggest relief. The left hand side of my through that the tube down still felt quite raw. The mouth was also looking notably better, but I'm still on the morphine so I'm sure it would still feel very bad without painkillers.

I also started developing a rash on the tops of my hands and partly on the knuckles. The palms of both feet and hands were also beginning to dry out too. These are normally early signs of GVHD which itself indicates engraftment, but my blood counts are too low at the moment to be able to confirm that this is the case. I've been given topical steroid creams to apply on to these areas. We also reduced the morphine further to 2.6ml per hour. I wasn't able to eat too much that day because I could only take in liquids, and this is going to cause fresh concerns with the doctors and dietician especially as I no longer have a tube to ram stuff down. Began taking another antibiotic - metronidazole after cultures taken the night before revealed that I had a small infection, which probably accounted for my higher than normal temperatures. Another platelet transfusion was given as my count had fallen.

It was great to sleep without the NG tube rammed through the nose, and started Valentines Day pretty well. The doctors discussed feeding through the hickman line because there was no way I could keep my weight or nutritional intake at a suitable level. We came to the agreement that I would try my hardest to drink as many nutritional build-up drinks as I could and also take some yoghurt. Well I've found that it takes less of an effort to do this during the first half of the day until 3pm. After, it becomes a chore, and quite a task by the end of the day. So although I had the best intentions I wasn't really able to stick to the plan. On the upside, the doctors on the ward round said I looked well, and so far had been making very good progress and that they were on the lookout for increases in blood levels. The new antibiotics were also doing their job and my temperature had fallen to its normal levels.

On Day 14 (Friday 15th Feb) I weighed in at 83.9 kg knowing that I'd have to start taking the feed, so the dietician drew up a plan for me that would begin in the evening. The rest of the morning didn't go too well as I threw up what ever fluids I had taken for breakfast. To make things better I repeated this act at lunch time, making sure there was nothing left in me. Feeling lightheaded and dizzy I spent the afternoon sleeping to preserve some energy as I hadn't eaten much for a day now, but the mouth was looking better still. I was drinking more, but kept it to water for the rest of the day. Dinner came in a bag, and would stay until the next morning.

Today on Saturday - day 15 - I'm still waiting for the white blood counts to show an upward trend, but the results that I've seen don't bear this out conclusively. I'm feeling more energetic which is clearly due to the nutritional drip, and managed to eat a pair of weetabix for breakfast, hence my weight is up by nearky 1kg at midday. I've just been given another platelet transfusion, and hopefully this will be my last if engraftment can occur, letting the new marrow produce the blood cells.